Ok, warning. I’m going to gripe, scream, and even whine a little here. Skip this if you’re not interested.
I do not want to hear any more about the economic crisis.
I do not want to be subject to the damn thing, as I have always been exceptionally fiscally responsible and this mess is not my fault.
I do not want to find myself living in a world where I can’t see the people who are dearest to me, because the only jobs they can find are 450 miles away and only the super-rich can travel that kind of distance any more.
I really did not want to have to come back from the happy mental space I was in most of the weekend, when we pretended nothing really existed outside of the multicolored forest of a mid-state New York autumn, the scent of maple leaves, and the hunt for waterfalls.
I do not want my beloved to be so sick.
I do not want to feel so impotent to fix things: his flu, the economy, my best friend’s job situation…I can’t even get out into the garden for more than half an hour at a time until Saturday.
I don’t even want to go to work tomorrow, even though I like my job and my pay.
What do I want?
I want to build things with my hands: a greenhouse, a shed, a tiny cottage, a small solar array.
I want to make friends with people who live within a mile or two of me.
I want to grow spices and process my own sunflower oil.
I want to build my greenhouse and learn to extend the harvest season to 10 months of the year.
I want to cook more at home – and have the time, energy, and inspiration to do so.
I want to see my family more often.
I want more time to do the things that seem really important to me.
I want to pay off my car loan and save enough money for the new well and the dental implant I need. (This’ll all happen in time, but it feels rather urgent, you know?)
I want to see the people around me learning to live within their means and without the stupid trappings of crap consumerism right now.
I want to see this country band together and help each other out so we can pull ourselves up by our collective bootstraps.
I want to build communities that are strong enough and self-sufficient enough that we are not held hostage to the crumbling world economy.
I want to see the beautiful strength and resilience of my neighbors, my friends, my family, and total strangers shine through so brightly the flashing red headlines of CNN and Fox News pale in comparison.
I want to know I don’t have to do this alone.